“I plan to change my name,” Kyle Rittenhouse noted on a broadcast seen by millions. “I’m not sure what yet but you all will be the first to know!”
November 15, 1864: William Tecumseh Sherman led a mob of self-righteous cancellers through Atlanta, Georgia, calling out everybody with a Confederate flag as “racists”—even though some of them didn’t own slaves!
Sherman burned down just about everything he saw, making all the white kids feel bad about who they are instead of proud to be Americans in the USA, just because their parents didn’t want to be in the USA anymore.
Supposedly this was all necessary because the South led an “insurrection” against the government but really it was all probably just Antifa’s doing.
“I’ve finally found my calling in my life,” noted local douchebag Jacob Andersen.
“After a lengthy rebranding discussion, we realized that anything sounds better than the tarnished name of Facebook,” announced CEO Mark Zuckerberg.
“If a hard-working American wants to hand-toss a salad of lightly dressed greens immediately after taking a crap, and they don’t want to wash their hands first, I am going to protect their God-given right to do so,” noted Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. “This is America, not Cuba.”