Newsom Loses Ability To Taste, Not From COVID, Just Too Much Truffle-Infused Velouté At The French Laundry

“After eating the finest food in the world, everything else just seems flavorless and dull,” the distraught Governor of California said in a press conference.

“I too bear the scars of this pandemic, even though I have not been infected by the virus. In fact, you might say that I will suffer a fate far worse than many, a fate I did not ask for and could not have predicted.”

“Unlike most of you who will never know what I suffer,” the forlorn Governor continued, “there is no vaccine for my condition. I will simply soldier on under these difficult circumstances and attempt to appreciate the few remaining joys that life has to offer.”