haroldtribune

Portland Mayor Relieved He Can Go Back To Teargassing Protestors Himself

Elon Musk Humbly Nominates Self For Nobel Peace Prize

“They say the way to succeed in business is to ‘move fast and break things,’” said Musk from one of his five homes in Los Angeles. “Well, nobody has broken more things faster than I have.” “I’m literally the Gandhi of the twenty-first century.”

Cancel Culture Gone Too Far? “Problematic” President Was Actually Forced To Resign

In the early 1970s, US President Richard M. Nixon was driven from office for nothing more than offering to send a plumber over to fix some leaks at the Democratic Party headquarters. This micro-aggression was too much for 1970s liberals, even though he was just trying to help. Sad!

Recipient Of $5B In Government Subsidies Mad About Socialism

“Another government stimulus package is not in the best interests of the people imo,” wrote Elon Musk on Twitter recently. This was followed by another tweet accurately quoting Karl Marx saying, “Gib me dat for free.”

Rand Paul Remembers To Be Libertarian After Seeing White People Arrested

Portland Mayor Can’t Believe Residents Teargassed By Somebody Else

“If anybody’s going to order the people of Portland to be teargassed, beaten and arrested, it’s going to be me,” insisted Portland, Oregon, Mayor Ted Wheeler, after being teargassed by federal agents.

Rep. Yoho’s god actually just racism, sexism

“I cannot apologize for my passion or for loving my God, my family and my country,” Representative Ted Yoho commented to the press after a confrontation with Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Asked if he was apologizing to the Congresswoman, Yoho moved his head in several directions and mumbled, “Yeah, ok, whatever,” and walked away.