Florida Governor Bans “Employees Must Wash Hands” Signs

“If a hard-working American wants to hand-toss a salad of lightly dressed greens immediately after taking a crap, and they don’t want to wash their hands first, I am going to protect their God-given right to do so,” noted Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. “This is America, not Cuba.”

Joe Manchin: “I’ll Support Infrastructure Bill As Long As A Lot Of Stuff Remains Broken”

“I’m happy to support paying to fix trains on the New York City subway, but we can’t fix all of them,” said Joe Manchin (D-West Virginia). “Maybe half. I can only get behind the infrastructure bill as long as a bunch of people remain inconvenienced. My constituents won’t stand for anything less.”

Man Who Can’t Get To Work Because Of Flooded Subway Really Just Worried About Inflation If It Was Fixed

“I have a lot of things I need to get done today,” said New York City resident James Palmer, “but if we invested in these infrastructure issues it might devalue the dollar by as much as 7.2%. I’d really rather not be able to get to the hospital if I have to than let our economy suffer that level of inflation.”